Mid-life Musings
I’m an average guy, mid 40′s, with all the signs of a mid-life crisis. But rather than have a crisis, I chose to have awakenings. I’m trying things I’ve never tried before, foods I’ve never eaten, learning to care about myself and my environment, and broadening my spirituality.
With the help and coaxing of my wonderful husband Greg, I’m experiencing a wonderful new life. Enjoy your reading, and please comment with your own experiences.
Roy Hamilton
An Open Letter to my Daughter
As high school graduation nears, I spend a lot of time thinking about who you are and your future. I have no doubts that you will find your way in this world, much quicker than I did. I see a confidence in you that amazes me, and gives me comfort that you will be who you are meant to be, and will live the life that you have chosen.
I do worry that you are not aware of all your options. You have the brains, confidence, and attitude to be anything you want to be. Over the past couple of years I have listened to you talk about different colleges, different majors, and even joining the armed services. I supported all of those as your decision to make. I only hope that you will continue to entertain these options and consider others as well. Please don’t lock yourself into a small world and think you can only consider the handful of paths you have witnessed.
You are a grown woman now, although you will always be my baby girl. It’s hard for me to accept that you are 18 now and going out into the world, but things are as they should be. My regret at this point is that I don’t have the resources to send you to the west coast school of your choice; I would surely pay it if I could. You deserve it.
The greatest graduation gift I can give you is freedom. You have my blessing, my sweet daughter. Go out into this world and make it your own. Find yourself, and find your way. Cut any cords that hold you back. Make your own decisions, and live your life with no regrets. Live in peace…live in love…live in light.
I love you Jessi bug.
Dad
Homemade Dishwasher Detergent
I’m a big fan of keeping things in my life natural and toxic free, especially cleaning products. I don’t like filling my home with toxic chemicals, and you can make cleaning products yourself for much less than commercial products. This week I found a recipe to make your own dishwasher detergent, and I had to try it.
I’ve run a few loads through the dishwasher, and I’m much impressed. My dishes are clean, and the glassware is spot free! To make your own dishwasher detergent, combine the following ingredients:
1 cup washing soda
1 cup borax
½ cup sea salt
½ cup citric acid
Mix the ingredients and store in an air-tight container. I added about 15-20 drops of lemon essential oil to mine for the smell, plus lemon oil is great on dishes. Use 1 tablespoon per load.
For spotless glassware, I filled the rinse agent container with white vinegar.
Soul Clearing
Over the past couple of weeks, I have had two ‘clearing’ sessions with an intuitive healer. At first I wasn’t sure what to expect, but the general idea is to remove the blocks that keep you from fulfilling your life’s purpose…those events from your past that you turn into beliefs about yourself. The healer found that most of my beliefs were related to family crap from my childhood. No big surprise there.
The day after the first session started off normal, but by midday I felt like I was catching a bug, maybe even the flu. I’m sure that was part of the cleansing process; my body was ridding itself of emotional toxic waste. By the second day I was feeling great, but had an ‘open’ feeling all morning. I knew that I needed to keep my mouth in check that day because I wasn’t sure what would come out. I felt good after this session; life was a bit lighter.
The second session was much like the first, focusing on those items we didn’t get to the first time. A couple of new items came up, but she was able to clear those as well. Again I felt like my body was purging the next day, but not as bad as the first time. I feel more confident today and more in control of my thoughts and plans.
It’s only been a few days since the second session, and a neat thing is beginning to happen. I’ve always been a bit intuitive, but started locking it away during my childhood (back to the family crap thing). It’s all starting to come back now, and rather strongly. Last night I was out in my backyard after dark, and I caught a glimpse of man standing by the patio. It was just a quick notice and he was gone…‘he’ being a spirit. As I stood there thinking about why he was there, I became fully aware that there was more than one spirit near me.
I could sense 10-12 spirits walking around my backyard. They were all near one side of the yard, and all facing the same direction. I don’t know why they were there, but I do know they were all headed to the same place. At first it was a bit creepy, but I didn’t freak out about it. It’s all a part of coming into the person I’m supposed to be, and receiving and accepting the gifts I was given for this lifetime. I will go back out there tonight and see if I have any more visitors. I wish I could communicate with them and find out who they are and why they are near me. Perhaps some day soon I will be able to do that.
Scared of who I am
I haven’t been writing any blog entries lately because frankly I didn’t know what to say. There always seems to be something inside of me that is begging to come out, but when I sit down to write….NOTHING.
The past few days I have been reading others’ blogs, and various articles, and I’ve seen a pattern emerging. It started with a cute picture on Facebook that mentioned being scared of who you are. I have read several Twitter posts about being your self, along with quotes and blogs about being true to your self. I think the Universe is sending me a message.
Am I scared of who I am? I never thought I was, but just asking the question seems to strike fear in my soul, so I guess I am. I feel like I have stood on the outside looking in my entire life. I have always felt different, but didn’t want to be. I wanted to fit in with every group and be accepted. At some point I created personas that said and did what I thought people expected. I now realize that in doing so, I separated myself even more. I can’t have close relationships with anyone when I’m not being myself.
My father once told me that I was getting above my raising. I have allowed that statement to set me back in my personal growth. The truth is, I am different from my family. It is not above, below or beside my raising, it just is.
I am different in many ways from my family, the people I work with, and old friends I have reconnected with on Facebook. There have been many times I did not respond to a Facebook post with my true feelings because I worried about what a family member might think. I keep my mouth shut to keep the peace. That is a very heavy burden to put on myself, and it creates this horrible habit of silencing my true inner voice.
So, this is the point in life where I begin to learn and accept who I am. And for anyone reading that would like to know: I believe in God, but not the way bible thumpers do; I am gay and in a wonderful relationship with a husband that loves me and appreciates me; I have a love/hate relationship with my job that I allow to take up too much of my energy; and I could honestly walk away from my youth and never look back (which sounds like a good plan).
More blogs are coming soon that will share the real me. Get ready world!